This is going to piss someone off, I just know it. Someone will read this and will think that I’m picking on them specifically and they’ll either:
a) pick a fight with me
b) unfollow me then talk shit about me behind my back
c) silently cry in their cornflakes about it
The thing is, I’m as guilty of most of the following things as everyone else is. Whether I’ve done it on Twitter, Facebook, or even in one of my blogs, the point is that it’s annoying if you do it all of the time. Everything in moderation is okay (well, alright if you’re smoking crack in moderation that’s still not good… but we’re not talking about drugs, people!), but if you find yourself doing any or all of the following things on a regular basis you might want to check yourself before you wreck yourself. 😉 If you however don’t have a sense of humor or you simply can’t poke fun at anything, your best bet is to stop reading right now and follow this link instead.
For those of you still here… I give you The Most Annoying Tweeters (and Facebookers)!
The Woe Is Me Bullshit Tweeter
Example: “Why doesn’t anyone care about ME?“
We’re all entitled to the occasional Woe Is Me Bullshit Tweet. That typical (and often tacky) cry for attention that we all need every so often to boost our self esteem when our followers reply with “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” My problem however is when these are the ONLY tweets that you produce. If your Twitter feed looks like it was written by Eeyore, it’s time to pop some anti-depressant meds and find the happy in your life. No one wants to read about how depressing your life is all of the time. Shoot some rainbows out of your ass every now and then, okay?
The Inappropriate Capitalization Tweeter
Example: “This Morning I Scratched My Ass And It Felt So Good!”
I don’t know what it is about Twitter, but so many people do this one and it drives me just a little bit crazier every time I see it. You don’t need to capitalize every word in your tweet! In fact, if you do… I’ll consider you a complete tool and will no longer follow you.
The I Could Have Googled This Tweeter
Example: “Anyone know where there’s a Target in East Lansing?”
If you’re sitting on your ass in front of your computer, don’t tweet something that you could just as easily look up on Google or any other search engine. It’s one thing if you’re like me and you don’t have the internet on your phone so you tweet via text messages and can’t just hop online to look something up. But I know for a fact that there are people who are tweeting from their computer about shit that they could find out themselves. Stop it! At least do a Google search first and then if you can’t find the answer tweet about it! When I see tweets like this, you know what it says to me? It says, “Gee, I’m lonely and want someone to pay attention to me so let me post some random question on the internet that I could find out myself and see if anyone will answer.” Yep, I said it.
The Four Square Tweeter
Example: I just became the mayor of Pucks Shop & Save!
I. Don’t. Care. Not only are you posting your location for the world to see (and letting people who might be stalking you or casing your home for a break-in know where you are) it’s just fucking annoying. I know a lot of people use Four Square and they love it, I also know there are many people who use Four Square in a responsible and safe way and if you’re one of them, then Wahoo! But there are also a lot of idiots out there and because of them, I personally think Four Square is stupid. I prefer to make up Fake Square Tweets like “I’m the Mofo Queen of @Starbucks! Bow down to my awesomeness! #fakesquare”
The I’ve Attached Every Single Website To My Twitter Account Tweeter
Example: “I just renewed my Cialis prescription online via Drugs.com!”
Just because there is an option to connect your Twitter account to a website, you don’t have to do it! Just like the Four Square Tweet, I don’t care!
The What the Fuck Tweeter
Example #1: “I’m so not looking forward to this.”
Example #2: “There’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back.”
Example #3: “I hate when she does that.”
Example #4: “Just shoot me now, please.”
So if all you ever tweet is random shit that makes absolutely no sense to anyone but yourself, don’t be shocked if your number of followers goes down like a high school slut on the star football player. What exactly is the point of using a social media website to post randomness that no one understands? It’s one thing if you’re talking in code occasionally so not to post someone’s name or whatever… but when every single post has no clues as to what you’re talking about, why bother?
The ALL CAPS Tweeter
Example: “WENT TO TARGET AND PICKED UP THE LATEST COSMO.”
Unless you’re meaning to yell at your followers, don’t ever, ever type in all capitals. Ever. If you do, you’re an idiot. Basic Netiquette 101 teaches us that all caps = yelling. If you’re on the internet and you don’t know this by now, please step away from the Twitter and the Facebook until you can learn some common sense.
The Repeat Offender Tweeter
Example #1: “Dear @FavoriteMusicPerson please talk to me!”
Example #2: “Dear @FavoriteMusicPerson please talk to me!”
Example #3: “Dear @FavoriteMusicPerson please talk to me!”
I can pretty much guarantee that if you tweet someone the same thing 14 times a day, they’re NEVER going to reply to you! Wanna know why? Because it makes you look like a stalker freak! Not to mention that it makes you look like you’re too lazy to think of something creative to get their attention. Seriously, people. Would YOU answer a random person who sent you the same tweet every freaking day? I think not.
The Clueless Celebrity Tweeter
Someone recently posted on Twitter something that basically said “if you’re a celebrity and you don’t use Twitter to respond to and communicate with fans then you just don’t get it.” I wish I could remember who said it because I SO agree, but alas, I have no idea who said it and I’m too lazy to look it up. Before quitting Twitter, John Mayer also said something similar to Kanye West about using Twitter to communicate with the fans not as a means of promotion. It makes so much sense… why the hell would I want to follow someone who never EVER responds to anyone? Some of my favorite celebrity twitters are the ones who take time out to talk to their followers. Hate on him all that you want, but @JustinBieber is a great Tweeter. He retweets fans, answers questions, posts interesting stuff, and also makes sure to regularly thank the fans for their support. @DonnieWahlberg is another Tweeter who loves his fans and makes sure they know it. A famously shitty Tweeter is @nickcarter. Yes, I love him long time but when it comes to Twitter he sucks. Until recently when he spent a few minutes answering tweeted questions, he pretty much never interacts with his followers anymore. He’ll make random posts, beg for more followers and then we get nothing. Hello, a @BackstreetBoys fan completed suicide recently over some scum who was pretending to be Carter online and he didn’t even tweet about that. His fellow Backstreet Boy @skulleeroz did though, and even the chick who does all of the tweeting for the Backstreet Boys Official Twitter mentioned it. A simple “RIP Lana” tweet would have been enough to show he cared. Another famously crappy Tweeter is the one and only Sean-Puffy-PDiddy-Puff-Daddy-Sean John-Combs. I followed him for a while because I dig the guy and respect him as a business person… but when it comes to tweeting, ALL he did was promote himself! He would beg people to buy his current song and get it to #1 on iTunes, he’d retweet messages that other people posted about how much they loved his song, and that was it. How freaking lame! Listen up celebrities… if I’m following you it’s because I’m a fan! Therefore you don’t have to remind me twenty times a day to buy your cd or go see your movie. If you do, I’m more likely to throw a tantrum and NOT spend any money on you. Got it?
And finally… my Top 3 Twitter Pet Peeves
- Reply – There is a reply function built into Twitter for a reason… you don’t have to direct message someone every time you reply to them. If you’re that worried about people seeing what you say, why are you on Twitter?
- Follow Friday – If you’re going to participate in Follow Friday, how about explaining to your followers WHY you think they should check out the people you’re listing? Very rarely will I click on some random person’s username just because it’s in a #FF post. But if you tell me why, I’ll probably do it.
- Spoilers – I’ll be the first person to complain if someone spoils a movie for me or a muchly anticipated television show. HOWEVER… Twitter is about live micro blogging. Let me say that again a little louder… TWITTER IS ABOUT LIVE MICRO BLOGGING! So if you’re planning on watching the American Idol finale on DVR, don’t you dare get on Twitter then piss and moan about people spoiling it for you. In fact, stay off the damn internet if you’re that concerned. That’s like saying, “Oh I’m going to watch the Superbowl later so don’t anyone post anything on the internet about it so that I can still be on Twitter and Facebook, okay?” No it’s not okay! It’s a live event and the internet is a live place! Now, I’m not saying that it’s okay to be all “OMG could you belive that Sookie and Eric finally got it on in last night’s True Blood?!” (See how even my spoiler was fake? Uh huh…) That, my friends, is not cool. And as responsible Twitter users we should always remember that not everyone lives in the same time zone as we do, so Tweeting “Ruuuuuben Studddarrrrrd FTW!” at 10:00 EST isn’t exactly fair to the peeps who haven’t yet reached the end of the show in other time zones. HOWEVER… people watching a live show in which a winner is announced should still get their asses off of the internet, in my humble opinion. Even logging onto your homepage for Yahoo! Mail will show you real time spoilers… do you yell at them for spoilers too or do you just leave that for people you know on the internet?
So there you have it… the things that drive me nuts on Twitter and Facebook. Feel free to defriend me, unfollow me, and tell me how mean I am if you must. 😉