F is for Fear

I have a lot of fears.

I’m afraid of tornados, hurricanes, really bad thunderstorms, gigantic bridges over water, and the word “panties” to name a few.  I’ve been known to do a freaked out heebie geebie dance over spiders before and after squashing them into oblivion with a Chuck Taylor.  I’m also terrified of the idea of people who I love dying.  I like to think that aside from the panties thing, most of my fears are pretty common.

Some of my fears are kind of weird though.  Like, I’m afraid of heights, but I love to fly, love roller coasters, and really dig going up in super tall buildings like the Sears Tower (Yes, I know it’s now the Willis Tower but it’s always going to be the Sears Tower, damn it!).  I’m afraid of being in water that I  can’t see across, but I love being in and around water.  I know, I’m a special girl.

I don’t like spiders, but I can generally work up the courage to kill them or suck them up in a vaccum.  The water thing is still near the top of the list, but I managed to go on a multi day cruise without anything close to a panic attack.  When a bird is in a store, I hate it.  Bird houses in zoos where you’re supposed to walk through and gaze at the birds and they can fly around you are a huge no-no in my book.   But if there’s a bird outside and it doesn’t invade my space bubble, I’m not going to go running away from it screaming or anything like that.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have these fears but for the most part I can face them.

There’s one fear though that I’ve discovered that I simply can’t face.  In fact, it is by far the most paralyzing fear I’ve ever experienced and it’s one that I never knew I had until I had to face it.  It’s such a true fear that even thinking about writing about it in this post is starting to freak me out.  I’m sitting here bouncing my legs nervously and deep breathing just in anticipation of explaining what the hell I’m talking about.