Category Archives: Wednesday Words

Brain Dump: Auto Immune Edition, part two

A few months ago after years of uncertainty and shitty doctors I finally got diagnosed with Seronegative Rheumatoid Disease. I’d known for a year that I had a form of inflammatory arthritis and it sucked, but finally learning that it was rheumatoid was hard. RD is a full body immune system disease with no cure and the ability to disable me. It’s scary as hell and although I’m glad to finally have a name for it, it’s very overwhelming too.

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This disease is kicking my butt physically and emotionally. I feel like I’ve been an awful friend/daughter/sister/aunt/coworker lately because my life revolves around flares, meds, and trying (but failing) at being “normal.” It may not always seem like it, but I really am trying. It’s just super hard now that I know it’s never going away. In the past year I’ve tried five different treatments and none of them have worked as well as we want them to. My current cocktail is working to lower my inflammation, which is great, but I still feel like crap all of the time, some of my symptoms are getting worse, and new symptoms keep popping up. It just sucks. There’s also some really scary things that could happen to my body but I’m not ready to think about those too much. And I’m sure some people get sick of hearing about it, but until you have an incurable disease you have the privilege of being annoyed by things that are uncomfortable. I don’t get to turn this off though, so I’m going to keep sharing and hopefully educating others. The pain, fatigue, brain fog, and emotional toil are ridiculously hard to deal with. But I try my best.

The week I found out about my diagnosis I was pretty sad. Like, “Holy crap I could be physically disabled by this and then what?” kind of scary/sad. It also meant having to let go of some dreams that I have that simply aren’t physically possible anymore and well… that sucked. Like my chances of having a kid the traditional way… gone. My body is too old and too sick to handle that. Then there’s the fact that I can no longer be on the Be the Match donor list for bone marrow. I’ve been on the list for 23 years and this week I had to tell them that I had to be taken off because people with auto immune diseases can’t donate.

So in the midst of my first round of the grief cycle I got a French Bulldog puppy. Vinnie was a totally expensive impulse buy and by getting him I broke my promise to the Elder Cat that I wouldn’t bring a pup into the house until after she dies (she just turned 17). But it was one of those moments when I saw his sweet little face and just knew he was supposed to be mine. Not to mention the fact that I kept thinking, “What if I wait for Kira to die and then my body isn’t able to handle a puppy?” I wasn’t able to give up that dream too.

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He has been a pain in my butt and the joy of my life. Even Elder Cat tolerates her new large baby brother most of the time. If there’s one thing this disease has taught me, it’s to not get so upset over the little things. Yes, my room, and car and desk at work are utterly messy, and yes it bugs me. But a messy room isn’t going to ruin my day, I can’t let it. Sometimes when I’m in too much pain or I’m too exhausted to even think about cleaning, all that really matters is resting and trying to find comfort. If Vinnie pees on the floor, or chews on something like my table, it’s annoying (sometimes really annoying) but I remember that he’s a baby, he’s still learning, it’s not the end of the world. Then when I’m feeling awful and he’s snuggled up with me and loving me unconditionally or he makes me smile when I’m feeling horrible… that’s what matters. That doesn’t mean, however, that everyone else has my laid back attitude though, and I know that it can be hard to deal with me… I tell Vinnie pretty regularly that Grandma is going to lose it if he doesn’t stop with the occasional pee accident or chewing episode.

I bought a cane recently. I don’t use it regularly yet but I know there are times it’ll be helpful. I have my grandma’s old cane and I used it once but I figured that if I’m actually going to embrace using a cane on bad days, it’s going to be a cute one, not grandma’s old silver thing. 🙂 The weekend I ordered it I had an awful flare and when I was laying in bed awake and in pain from just going to dinner and playing Wii with my Doodlebutt I decided I needed a cute cane for those bad days. Maybe I’ll get lucky and the next medication will be the one that sends me into remission so I’ll have to keep the cane in storage. Maybe it’ll just be something to have for really bad flares. That would be awesome. But I don’t feel the need to put off something that’ll help me be more comfortable just because I’m “too young” and “shouldn’t” need it. After all, it was that kind of thinking by my so-called doctor that put off this diagnosis for the past ten years while things just got worse. If she’d just listened to me and admitted that she didn’t know how to treat me, maybe I could’ve found out about my RD when it was still mild and wasn’t as severe. Ten years ago when my pain was just transitioning from occasional to daily I was 80 pounds lighter than I am right now. I was able to go for walks, do all day shopping sprees, play on the playground and do all sorts of things that I can’t do now without it throwing me into a flare. It sucks harder than I can explain; and honestly it’s put me in a really crappy place emotionally lately. I haven’t done any writing since last June and I’ve barely done any knitting either, but I’ve been thinking about both lately so that’s good, right? Things have been crappy, but I still have hope, mostly.

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I hope for the right cocktail of meds that’ll help me get some of the old me back out to play. She’s still in there, she’s just busy battling the Rheumadragon and an insanely broken immune system. 🙂 My point in all of this rambling is to say that yes, I know that I’ve been “off” lately and I really am trying to get back to some semblance of normal. But I’m having a hard time making the adjustments and I promise that if you continue to be patient with me I’m still the girl you know and love. I actually started this post back in November, but it’s taken me until now to finally post it. I joined the Cure Arthritis Crew a while back and had all of these ideas of writing about living with RD so maybe that’ll happen soon!

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So in the words of Al Roker, that’s what’s happening in my “neck of the woods.”

 

Now, let’s see what the girls have to dump. 🙂

Jessica D | Deelylah| Torrance | Siobhan | Kris | Bronwyn | Jessica J

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Finding the Balance

This week we’re talking about how we keep the balance between writing and life stuff.  Let’s be perfectly honest, I don’t really have a good balance.  LOL. I used to write every single day, and now I write when I have a case notes to write, or when a blog post is due.  😜 Buuuut… since I’ve been trying really hard to get back to a regular writing schedule I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve that I’m going to give a try.

First, I have a new Precious…

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I really wanted to buy a Mac but since I don’t have a credit card in order to do so I would’ve had to shell out a whole lotta money in one shot.  Then on Thanksgiving Verizon was having a sale on iPads and I thought, “Ooh!”  I already have an iPad Mini but it’s at the point where it doesn’t get updates anymore and it almost never has space on it.  So if I bought an iPad through Verizon I could get my precious without having to pay full price in one fell swoop as long as I also pay for a two year data plan.  I don’t exactly need the data plan, but whatever… I have a new precious that’s bigger than my old one, has a ton of space, and works with my Bluetooth keyboard.  Whoot Whoot!

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Plus, I don’t have to share it with my mom because she can have the Mini. Wee!  Part of the reason that I’ve slacked off with blogging (aside from work and dealing with health issues etc.) was that our laptop screen broke, and my mom started using my iPad on a daily basis, so if I didn’t bring home my laptop from work it meant I would have to blog from my phone which frankly wasn’t going to happen.

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Also, in my quest to get organized, I spent an unusual amount of time making cute little notes to put into my Happy Planner so that I always know what the blog topics are.  I look at my planner most days and last year’s idea of breaking the blog posts into 3 month groups and printing them to put in my planner didn’t exactly work.  But perhaps if the blog topics are spread out and in my face each week I’ll be less likely to ignore them. 😋

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There’s also the fact that I have a deadline hanging over my head that’s doing a pretty good job at kicking me in the butt.  Like, a real, grown up, writer deadline.  It’s kind of frightening, actually, LOL but exciting too.  I can’t say anything about it just yet, but yay, writing!

And that, my friends, is all I have for ya.  To be honest, I’m currently binge watching season one of the Gilmore Girls and this blog post is distracting me from the teenage version of Jared Packadeli.  Hehe…

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Let’s go see what the other girls say about how they balance writing and life. 🙂

Bronwyn | Jessica


Thankful

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Ahh the yearly thankful post!  I think I’ll do it in bullet points to make things easier. 🙂 This year I am thankful for:

  • The opportunity to vote.  Yes, the outcome of this election sucked ass and frankly scares the crap out of me… but I am still thankful for all of the people who risked their lives for the chance for me to vote as a woman, a biracial person, and a member of the LGBT community.
  • A home that I love.  My mom and I bought a house this summer and I love it!  I love knowing that the place is ours and if my cat is an asshole who wants to piss on the floor I’m not going to lose a deposit.  LOL I reallllly need to finish unpacking, but oh… I love the idea that I may never have to move again. 🙂  (In my 40 years I have moved 17 times).
  • A job that doesn’t suck my soul.  After the Job of Doom that lasted for nearly 8 years, I finally feel like I’m in a place where I fit.  I still get to help children and families but I’m on the proactive prevention side of child abuse instead of the reactive crisis side like I used to be.  My home visits are mostly happy and fun and giggly instead of sad, stressful, and full of danger and screaming. I’m also working on a Infant Mental Health Endorsement, so yay!
  • Amazing friends.  I have a handful of people in my life who frankly are amazing.  Many of them are in this blogging circle. ❤  They love me and support me, and even when we all get stressed and don’t talk as much as we could, they don’t give up on me.  That’s a really great thing to have.  I also have this amazing group of coworkers who I can’t say enough good things about.
  • Doodlebutt.  No thankful list is complete without the Doodles.  I love all of my babies (most of them aren’t babies at all anymore… they’re 10, 13, 16, and 21 now!) but the Doodlebutt still gets excited to hang out with me.  He loves laughing with me and playing stupid games with me, and I just adore every little bit of him.  From singing Jersey Boys and Hamilton songs together, to laughing ourselves to tears playing with Bobo, and being able to just hang out doing nothing together… he is my sunshine!  He still hasn’t reached that, “I’m too cool to hang out with Aunt Kellie,” stage yet, so I’m going to keep on eating it up while I can!  I am still very thankful for my other monsters too!
  • Insurance!  LOL No seriously… last year when I started my new job it didn’t include benefits so I got to experience the Affordable Care Act.  I can’t tell you what a blessing it was to have that option.  Without it I wouldn’t have been medicated for the past year, wouldn’t have been diagnosed (finally!) and wouldn’t have started treatment for my inflammatory arthritis.  I would also most likely have lost my job because without all of that there’s no way I would have been functioning.  It got me through the year and now I have a job with benefits so woo hoo!
  • Peppermint Mocha Creamer. Dude, as soon as they start selling the stuff I’m all over it.  Mine!  LOL It’s my absolute favorite.
  • Kira.  My sweet little old lady kitty turned 15 last week.  She’s a pain in my ass and I still threaten her life regularly because she’s a jerk, but she’s my jerk!
  • Holidays!  In this job I actually get holidays, weekends, nights off… It’s been a year and I’m still super thankful for that!  Oh and snow days too!  Woo!  I’ll be working for part of the day today and then will be off until Monday, yay!
  • You!  Thank you for reading my blog and for tolerating my absence when I don’t post stuff.  I really do appreciate it!

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving if you celebrate it!

Gobble, Gobble!

Bronwyn | Paige


Wordless Wednesday : Funny (Bobo Edition)

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The birth of Bobo… 2009.

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https://bronwyngreenblog.wordpress.com/2016/05/18/wordless-wednesday-funny

https://jessicadelarosa.wordpress.com/2016/05/18/random-wordless-wednesday-funny

http://gwendolyncease.blogspot.com/2016/05/wordless-wednesday-funny.html

http://authorpaigeprince.com


Wordless Wednesday: Sadness

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Bronwyn | Paige | Jessica | Leigh | Gwen


Guest Post: Sly Boy

Hi, my name is Sly-Boy. Actually, my given name is Sly Cooper but no one ever calls me that.

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I am beautiful. The runt in the background is Storm. Shea’s okay and sometimes I let her clean my ears, but she’s a baby and has way too much energy.

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This is my window. I use it to watch the birdies, the Bringer of the Boxes, and all of those low class strays who seem to think they own the big room outside of my window. One day I will figure out how to get into that room.

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Enter a caption

That’s the Elder Cat, Kira. She says mean things to me. I get her back by making poo in her favorite litter box.

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See my paws? Beautiful.

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Sometimes I do cute things like this with my beautiful paws. Then when someone pets my belly, Kung Fu Kitty! Rawr!

I suppose I should talk about my human since this is her blog. She gives good head bumps for a human, I don’t like it when she cleans my ears, and I only bite her occasionally.

I’m bored now, send canned food, and those puffy Cheetohs things.

Love,

Sly

—–

https://bronwyngreenblog.wordpress.com/2016/03/02/loki-takes-over-the-blog

https://jessicadelarosa.wordpress.com/2016/03/02/random-wednesday-blog-take-over

http://gwendolyncease.blogspot.com/2016/03/blog-takeover.html

http://authorpaigeprince.com/?p=923


Why I Write…

 

 

Considering the fact that I haven’t written regularly in ages, I find it hard to sit down and write about why I write.  LOL  I could tell you all of the reasons I’m not writing, but that wouldn’t be so entertaining, eh? :p

I think that for the most part those of us who write all do it for a lot of the same reasons.  It’s fun (usually).  It’s an escape from reality.  It’s a world that we can control (until our characters go all crazy and change the plot on us).  We get to write things the way we wish they were in our lives.  We get to make the rules.  We can craft characters after real people and make them suffer from karma in our stories.   If I’m writing, I’m in control.  I get to decide who falls in love and whose heart gets broken.  I can write about brothers and sisters who get along instead of those who ignore each other.  If I want to write hot kinky morning sex that doesn’t involve morning breath and other real life problems I totally can and it’s okay.  Or if I want my heroine to talk about the sadness of chub rub in her favorite pair of jeans, I can do that too. Then of course there’s the idea that each of us hopes to write the next great American novel, or at least something that sells like Twilight but has much better writing. :p

I also write because I want to touch people.  No, not in a creepy way… LOL  I love when something I write moves someone and makes an impression in their world.  Some of my good friends are people I met simply because they were fans of my fanfic and took the time to reach out and give me feedback.  Sure, sometimes we have to deal with those somewhat annoying stalker-ish fans who don’t seem to have many boundaries… but thankfully those are far and few between.

I think we write for a lot of the same reasons we read. To lose ourselves in something else for a while.  To fall in love with our characters and give us something fun to think about during our real lives.  It’s escapism at it’s best. I love writing and I love the amazing people and experiences that writing has brought into my life.

So… how many days until our writer’s retreat, Bron? 🙂

~~~~~
Bronwyn | Kris | Jessica |Paige | Gwen

 


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