Author Archives: Kel

Yes We Did


So I’m watching President Obama’s final address and it’s breaking my heart.  I wanted to reshare something that I wrote back in my old Livejournal on the night that President Obama won his first presidential election.  Although we’re in a very uncertain time, everything I wrote on November 5, 2008 holds true today. I am still proud, I am still willing to fight for positive change, and I still believe in a wonderful man named Barack Obama. ❤ Please don’t forget all of the amazing things we’ve seen happen in the past eight years.  It’s been a struggle, and unfortunately we’ve seen some pretty awful things too, but there is still good in the world and still love in the world.  Please don’t let hate win.  Don’t let what brilliant change we’ve seen happen before our eyes be forgotten.

Yes We Can

11/5/2008, 11:12 p.m.

I’m sitting on my bed with goose bumps all over my body and tears streaming down my face. I’m so beyond touched, amazed, proud, excited, and just wowed over what is happening tonight. A few minutes ago I stood in front of my television in my bedroom as Barack Obama was announced as the next president of this country. A biracial man is going to be the next president of this county. I can’t even type that without starting to cry again. I hoped, and maybe even prayed, that one day we see a person of color as president. I believed it would happen eventually, but I honestly didn’t think it would be so soon. Months ago before I even knew who Obama was and the relentless political ads began bombarding our senses I had hopes that maybe tonight I would see the first woman president in our history… but this blows my mind.

I know tonight is historic for everyone in the country and even in the world, but as a biracial woman I can barely begin to explain how important tonight is to me. My parents met, fell in love, married each other, and had my brother at a time when it was still illegal in parts of this country to marry interracially. Stop and really think about that… it was illegal. They fought for the right to love each other and eventually chose to bring me into this world as well. To think that 39 years ago when my parents met and Obama himself was just a little boy that people were dying in the fight for civil rights and now we are about to have a president who was born of interracial love, an African American First Lady, and two beautiful multiracial little girls in the White House… it touches my heart. 

I have always been proud to be biracial. It has always been and will always be something that I so proudly display and never think of as a hardship. I believe it is part of what makes me the person that I am. Being biracial has taught me to be a person who loves, a person of tolerance, and person who hates the word hate because of all of the horrible ugly things people have done in the name of hatred. I adore being biracial and tonight my tears are tears of celebration. Sure, there are still people full of hatred and we still have so far to go when it comes to race relations… we all know this. But tonight we’re closer than we were yesterday. Tonight I am one happy, proud, biracial woman sitting on her bed in the middle of the night in her pajamas crying her eyes out. Tonight I am a happy, proud American.  

“Change has come to America…” – President Elect Barack Obama, 12:02 a.m., November 5, 2008

“This is our moment… this is our time…” – President Elect Barack Obama, 12:15 a.m., November 5, 2008

  


Nostalgic Notes: Toys

I had way too much fun googling pictures of nostalgic toys.  So much that I had to stop myself because I easily could’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time on the task. 🙂   Here’s what I found! I was born in 1976 so I got that awesome 70’s and 80’s era of toys.

I can’t remember what kind of doll this was, but I adored it. I’m about 2 or 3 in this pic. 🙂

I was so good at this game! LOL

FREAKING LOVED my Alphie! They’re not as cool anymore.

I remember playing with this forever.

Such a weird toy but I loved it…

Okay so apparently I’ve always loved monkeys (sorry, Bron… LOL). I had the boy Monchichi and took him everywhere. Then on my 10th bday I got the little mini one but that same day his hair on his head came off so I named him Baldy. LOL He looked so cute with the bald head that we never glued it back on.

Of course I had Wicket the girl Ewok. My cousin Erik who is two weeks older than me had the boy. LOL

I was so sad when we sold this in a garage sale. I was like 19… LOL Hadn’t used it in forever but I fondly remembered it.

True story… my dad bought me a Rainbow Brite but hadn’t given it to me. In the meantime I told him that I thought she was lame. So he never gave her to me. He kept her in his room and tortured me with it. LOL

Pretty sure Erik owned this one… we played with it for hourrrrrs.

I can still remember the sound this made!

Oh yes… the original doctor kit with the case!

Erik had this one too. Fucking hated this game! So much anxiety!  LOL this and Jack in the Box…

SOOOO many hours! Never owned one, but Erik had several. 🙂 They had all the cool toys.

So much love! ❤️

Yesssss!

So much fun!

And last but not least… the Weeble treehouse with the swing! And the choke-able Weebles. They’re so big now so that littles can’t eat them.


Let’s see what the other girls came up with for their nostalgic toys!

Bronwyn | Deelylah | Gwen


Finding the Balance

This week we’re talking about how we keep the balance between writing and life stuff.  Let’s be perfectly honest, I don’t really have a good balance.  LOL. I used to write every single day, and now I write when I have a case notes to write, or when a blog post is due.  😜 Buuuut… since I’ve been trying really hard to get back to a regular writing schedule I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve that I’m going to give a try.

First, I have a new Precious…

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I really wanted to buy a Mac but since I don’t have a credit card in order to do so I would’ve had to shell out a whole lotta money in one shot.  Then on Thanksgiving Verizon was having a sale on iPads and I thought, “Ooh!”  I already have an iPad Mini but it’s at the point where it doesn’t get updates anymore and it almost never has space on it.  So if I bought an iPad through Verizon I could get my precious without having to pay full price in one fell swoop as long as I also pay for a two year data plan.  I don’t exactly need the data plan, but whatever… I have a new precious that’s bigger than my old one, has a ton of space, and works with my Bluetooth keyboard.  Whoot Whoot!

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Plus, I don’t have to share it with my mom because she can have the Mini. Wee!  Part of the reason that I’ve slacked off with blogging (aside from work and dealing with health issues etc.) was that our laptop screen broke, and my mom started using my iPad on a daily basis, so if I didn’t bring home my laptop from work it meant I would have to blog from my phone which frankly wasn’t going to happen.

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Also, in my quest to get organized, I spent an unusual amount of time making cute little notes to put into my Happy Planner so that I always know what the blog topics are.  I look at my planner most days and last year’s idea of breaking the blog posts into 3 month groups and printing them to put in my planner didn’t exactly work.  But perhaps if the blog topics are spread out and in my face each week I’ll be less likely to ignore them. 😋

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There’s also the fact that I have a deadline hanging over my head that’s doing a pretty good job at kicking me in the butt.  Like, a real, grown up, writer deadline.  It’s kind of frightening, actually, LOL but exciting too.  I can’t say anything about it just yet, but yay, writing!

And that, my friends, is all I have for ya.  To be honest, I’m currently binge watching season one of the Gilmore Girls and this blog post is distracting me from the teenage version of Jared Packadeli.  Hehe…

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Let’s go see what the other girls say about how they balance writing and life. 🙂

Bronwyn | Jessica


Thankful

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Ahh the yearly thankful post!  I think I’ll do it in bullet points to make things easier. 🙂 This year I am thankful for:

  • The opportunity to vote.  Yes, the outcome of this election sucked ass and frankly scares the crap out of me… but I am still thankful for all of the people who risked their lives for the chance for me to vote as a woman, a biracial person, and a member of the LGBT community.
  • A home that I love.  My mom and I bought a house this summer and I love it!  I love knowing that the place is ours and if my cat is an asshole who wants to piss on the floor I’m not going to lose a deposit.  LOL I reallllly need to finish unpacking, but oh… I love the idea that I may never have to move again. 🙂  (In my 40 years I have moved 17 times).
  • A job that doesn’t suck my soul.  After the Job of Doom that lasted for nearly 8 years, I finally feel like I’m in a place where I fit.  I still get to help children and families but I’m on the proactive prevention side of child abuse instead of the reactive crisis side like I used to be.  My home visits are mostly happy and fun and giggly instead of sad, stressful, and full of danger and screaming. I’m also working on a Infant Mental Health Endorsement, so yay!
  • Amazing friends.  I have a handful of people in my life who frankly are amazing.  Many of them are in this blogging circle. ❤  They love me and support me, and even when we all get stressed and don’t talk as much as we could, they don’t give up on me.  That’s a really great thing to have.  I also have this amazing group of coworkers who I can’t say enough good things about.
  • Doodlebutt.  No thankful list is complete without the Doodles.  I love all of my babies (most of them aren’t babies at all anymore… they’re 10, 13, 16, and 21 now!) but the Doodlebutt still gets excited to hang out with me.  He loves laughing with me and playing stupid games with me, and I just adore every little bit of him.  From singing Jersey Boys and Hamilton songs together, to laughing ourselves to tears playing with Bobo, and being able to just hang out doing nothing together… he is my sunshine!  He still hasn’t reached that, “I’m too cool to hang out with Aunt Kellie,” stage yet, so I’m going to keep on eating it up while I can!  I am still very thankful for my other monsters too!
  • Insurance!  LOL No seriously… last year when I started my new job it didn’t include benefits so I got to experience the Affordable Care Act.  I can’t tell you what a blessing it was to have that option.  Without it I wouldn’t have been medicated for the past year, wouldn’t have been diagnosed (finally!) and wouldn’t have started treatment for my inflammatory arthritis.  I would also most likely have lost my job because without all of that there’s no way I would have been functioning.  It got me through the year and now I have a job with benefits so woo hoo!
  • Peppermint Mocha Creamer. Dude, as soon as they start selling the stuff I’m all over it.  Mine!  LOL It’s my absolute favorite.
  • Kira.  My sweet little old lady kitty turned 15 last week.  She’s a pain in my ass and I still threaten her life regularly because she’s a jerk, but she’s my jerk!
  • Holidays!  In this job I actually get holidays, weekends, nights off… It’s been a year and I’m still super thankful for that!  Oh and snow days too!  Woo!  I’ll be working for part of the day today and then will be off until Monday, yay!
  • You!  Thank you for reading my blog and for tolerating my absence when I don’t post stuff.  I really do appreciate it!

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving if you celebrate it!

Gobble, Gobble!

Bronwyn | Paige


Wordless Wednesday: Love

Okay maybe a few words… I’m so sorry that I haven’t posted anything in so long.  Life got in the way for a while and then well… there’s that thing that happened on November 8th.  Ugh.  LOL I have a blog post brewing in my head about all of that, but not yet. 🙂

I’m going to try really hard to get back into blogging regularly though.  I just have to work it into my schedule. I also need to work actually WRITING into my schedule again because yeah I have a lot of that that needs to get done too and well… I have utterly sucked at it.

And now… love. ❤️

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Hue-Shift.

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Love from my work twin.

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Purple hair.

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Dork.

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Hehe…

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Halloween knitting.

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NoH8

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Ally

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Peanut

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15 yrs old

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💚

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Sparkles!

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Da Mama.

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Writing.

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Bobo.

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Ally.

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Doodlebutt Prince.

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New home!

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So spoiled.

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Gaston!

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Ha!

Norris

Bronywn

Deelylah

Paige


Wordless Wednesday : Funny (Bobo Edition)

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The birth of Bobo… 2009.

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https://bronwyngreenblog.wordpress.com/2016/05/18/wordless-wednesday-funny

https://jessicadelarosa.wordpress.com/2016/05/18/random-wordless-wednesday-funny

http://gwendolyncease.blogspot.com/2016/05/wordless-wednesday-funny.html

http://authorpaigeprince.com


Something I’ve Always Want to Write… But Haven’t.

Aside from the Great American Novel, you mean? 🙂

Of course I’d love to write something that becomes majorly famous and is well loved by everyone… but having my small collection of groupies makes me happy too. 😉

There is one topic that I have wanted to write about but just haven’t done yet though.  I really want, at some point, to put my thoughts down about what the term “Cultural Appropriation” means to me as a biracial person.  The term gets thrown around ALLLL the damn time now and although I think some people mean well when they say it, at the same time they have no idea what it means when you’re of two cultures.

Honestly, it’s kind of a slap in the face and kind of an insult to me when I hear people claiming that something is appropriating such and such culture.  Because the way I look at it, if my white friend is supposedly appropriating black culture with her dread locs,  what does that mean about me? I’m both black AND white.  Am I appropriating white culture because I have “good hair?” Or am I appropriating black culture because my hair is curly and kinky?  Is my daily life appropriating black and white culture at all times because I am not just one or the other?  No.  I’m just being me.  But is the way I live a biracial culture?  I don’t think so… I think it’s a human culture.

That’s probably a stupid example… but I feel like the idea of cultural appropriation is stupid.  I feel like people are people and skin color doesn’t give anyone ownership over anything.  There are naturally blonde haired and blue eyed people with brown skin, and there are white people with kinky afros and none of it matters.  Should people be proud of who they are? Absolutely.  But if you like the way cornrows look and want to rock them, fucking do it! It doesn’t matter what color your skin is and you’re not stealing anyone’s culture by doing it.

The reason I haven’t written about this subject, and am not going to go much further right now, is because I know that sharing my views will piss some people off.  People who feel like they’re being warriors by pointing out when they feel like cultural appropriation is happening, people who don’t understand what it’s like to be biracial, and quite possibly half of my family.  Frankly, I’m not ready to be that punching bag.  I’ve seen good meaning biracial folks and biracial supporters try and speak up on this issue and get trashed by people who supposedly know more than them and feel the need to educate them.

Taye Diggs recently made a statement that he does not want his son (who is biracial) to grow up saying that he (the son) is a black man.  He wants his son to say he’s biracial (or mixed) because that’s what he is and calling himself just black would be denying half of his heritage.  I agree.  But the black community attacked Taye and went on and on about how he supposedly isn’t proud of his son’s black side and blah blah fucking blah. *insert extreme eye roll*  I don’t care if his kid grows up to be as dark chocolate as Taye himself, if he’s biracial he should be claiming that.  He’s not just black or just white no matter what he may look like on the surface.   I get pissed when people refer to President Obama as “The First African American President” because guess what?  He’s NOT!  He’s the first BIRACIAL President. Every time someone refers to him as just black or African American, they’re denying half of him.  They’re ignoring that amazing single mom, who happens to be white, who raised an amazing man.  Every time someone asks me to “choose one” on a form when it comes to ethnicity, they’re asking me to only choose half of who I am. It’s bullshit.

So yeah… someday I’ll write it.  Maybe.  🙂  For now though, I just sigh and keep on scrolling when it comes to cultural appropriation. It’s hard sometimes, but better to do that over getting attacked for what I believe, right?

_____

Bronwyn | Paige


Why I suck at blogging; a tale of one boob and other medical crap.

I mentioned recently that I’d been working on a blog post about why I’ve been such a shitty blogger this year.  Aside from still being in transition and training for my new job, I’ve also been doing a lot of medical stuff.  That awful, shitty, horrible, no good, very bad doctor I’ve had for the past few years has been replaced.  Yay!!  My new doctor, so far, has listened to me and said things like, “Let’s get you feeling better first and then deal with XYZ…” and “Why didn’t Dr. Suck run this test?”  (She didn’t really call her Dr. Suck… LOL)  She also referred me to a Rheumatologist who I saw after waiting for several months and who also listened to me and didn’t try to blow me off like my old suck-ass doctor did.  So I’ve had a billion blood tests, found out that my Vitamin D is chronically low, and I have to have x-rays and start physical therapy while my new doctors work on figuring out what the heck is wrong with my body. (I’m convinced it’s Fibromyalgia but we’ll see…).  So yeah, I’ve been tired.  I love my job, but it’s hard when I’m always in pain and my boss keeps wanting to increase my caseload every few weeks.  It’s not nearly as emotionally draining as the old job, but it’s hard on my body.  By the time I get home I’m usually pretty worthless and just haven’t had any energy to blog or write or do anything fun.

I do however have a health related tale to tell you.  So gather ’round, my peeps… I’ve gotta school ya for a bit and I get to say the word boob a lot which I love.  Boob.  Boob. Boob.  LOL

As you may know, this is a big birthday year for me. I’ll be officially moving into a new age bracket that begins with a 4.  Forty comes many new things, more grey hair, more chronic pain, more wondering/worrying about ever getting to be a mom to my own kids… All the usual things. But one thing that came early was my very first mammogram.

Let me start off by saying that for years and years if someone said to me that they didn’t get mammograms because they hurt my auto response has been, “You know what hurts more? Breast Cancer.”  I don’t believe in the whole, “I’m not going to do it because it hurts” excuse because really, it can’t hurt THAT bad.  We’re women, we have periods and cramps and give birth, a boob smash should be pretty low on the pain scale as far as I’m concerned.

I called to make my yearly girly appointment and the chick was like, “When was your last mammogram?” and I told her I’d never had one she looked at my date of birth and said it was time. I didn’t flinch and made the appointment.

A week later I was there for the boob smash.

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So here’s the thing… It didn’t hurt. It wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t something that I would necessarily avoid like the plague. The left boob did pinch a little more than the right but it was so quick that I was like, “This is it?”  Even the tech said to me, “Have you been told horror stories? Those are about the old machines, the new ones aren’t bad at all.” Really, it wasn’t bad.

So by now you’re thinking, “Why are you talking about this?” Well, because my experience didn’t stop with just one mammogram.

A few days later I got a call saying that they wanted to re-image the left boob. I figured it was because I’d moved or something since like I said, the left side hurt a little more than the right. But no, when I returned I found out that there were two spots of concern that they wanted different shots of and I was also going to have an ultrasound.

The immediate results from that said “It’s probably lymph nodes.” A few days after that I got a call telling me that they wanted to do a biopsy.

At this point I’m doing my best not to jump from zero to cancer but I’m not going to lie, I went there.  The few people who I told were mostly supportive and kept telling me I’d be fine. I’d smile and nod but in my head I often thought, “Yeah but we’ll see…”

March 3rd came along and I went with my mom to a place called the Breast Center for my biopsy. There are several different types of biopsies but I was having an ultrasound guided needle biopsy. I knew what to expect because frankly I’d googled and YouTubed the crap out of it (I have to know as much as possible about things… Education is one of my resiliency tools).

So the doctor comes in and he’s this adorable gum chewing little guy who shares the same last name as me. He explained what was going to happen and demonstrated the biopsy tool because it makes this really loud pop gun sort of thing when he takes the sample. I was anticipating it but I think my mom was happy to have the warning.

According to the doctor, the two spots were very small and he wasn’t very impressed by them. LOL um, thanks?  They were not fluid filled cysts, which would’ve been the best result so he did have to go ahead with the needle biopsies.

For the first spot he took about two cores, and the second one he took five. By core I mean he shot the hollow needle through the lump to collect a core sample. I didn’t feel a thing, but it was pretty cool to watch on the ultrasound screen. My mom is a LPN and she got a kick out of it too. LOL

Oh and when they do a biopsy they put these surgical steel markers in your boob so that the spot is marked. I have two markers in my left boob now for the rest of my life. One is shaped like a breast cancer awareness ribbon and is frankly pretty cute on the mammogram they did after the biopsy. (I wish I had a copy of it, seriously it’s kinda cool.)

I left with steri-strips on the two incisions in my boob, a dressing covering it all, and a handy little ice pack that I could put in my bra. 🙂 Then I had to wait a full week for the results.

No really. A whole fucking week. Ugh. More time to assume I was going to have cancer and wonder what my head would look like shaved and how I would explain it to Doodlebutt if I was sick. By the time I went back in for my results I was sure I had cancer.

But I don’t. Yay!

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I have two benign thingymajigs (LOL I can’t remember the name and have no idea where the paperwork is right now). They don’t have to come out and basically I just have to monitor them with yearly boob smashes. Whew!

My bruises are finally gone (it took forever).  I have two little scars from where the biopsies were done.  I no longer feel the need to walk around holding my boob so that it doesn’t move too much and hurt.  LOL It was a scary situation, but I made it thorough and I don’t by any means regret getting that mammogram. Had my thingymajigs been cancer, it would have been early (too early to be felt by hand) and hopefully would’ve been treatable.  But if I’d avoided the mammogram because it might hurt it could have grown and spread and been much worse.

So the moral of the story… get your freaking boobs smashed.  Then go buy yourself a treat for being a good, responsible, girl. 🙂

 

 


Nostalgic Notes – Books

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I’m going to be the ever lame one and just link to an old post that we did about favorite books because yeah… life and stuff.  My favorites haven’t really changed since the last time we wrote about them. 🙂 I’m sure I’ve added to the list, but to be honest, I just can never think of favorite books when people ask me about the topic. :p

So… go here if you want to re-read, or you weren’t around the last time we had this subject.  🙂

Otherwise, check out what the other ladies have to say because they probably actually wrote something new. 😀

Also… I have a post coming up about why the heck I’ve missed so many of our scheduled blog posts… it’s just not done yet. LOL

___

Bronwyn | Gwen


A Letter to 16 Year Old Kel

  Dear 16 Year Old Me,

Of all of the things I can tell you from the future, the most important one is that you are right.  You do have clinical depression and you’re not “just going through a phase” or “have a school phobia.” You will graduate high school AND college just like you promised Mom and Dad you would when you dropped out of 10th grade.  You know exactly what you need to finish school… fight for it.  Sadly, you won’t be 25 until your diagnosis of Dysthymia, but you were right and all of those so-called “professionals” were wrong. You’re not crazy, you’re not stubborn (well, not when it come to this at least), you’re not a drama queen, and you’re not doing it for attention… you just have a chemical imbalance and a fuck-ton of anxiety.   Meds will help, but you’ll still struggle and have to work hard at overcoming some of your fears.  Word to the wise, don’t ever try to face your fear of bats… it’ll backfire horribly and give you PTSD. Just get Mom to do it. 🙂

You’re going to get a chance to be a big sister and it’s going to be great. It’s a long weird story that I won’t spoil for you.  But the sweetest, most amazing Peanut will come into your life just when you think you’ll never be a big sister and it’ll be so cool.

Don’t be afraid of cruises, they’re actually pretty awesome and you won’t freak out.

Don’t stop writing! Someone will try and talk you out of pursuing journalism because it doesn’t pay the bills, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop writing.  Just write because it makes you happy.  Fan fiction… look it up. 😉

This thing called the Internet is going to rock your world and bring some pretty awesome things and people into your life.  Have fun with it, but just be aware that not everyone who seems like they’re going to stay in your life forever will actually do so.  Some will hurt you, but you’ll be so much stronger afterward.

Be your own advocate when it comes to your health!  You know when your body feels wrong and if you come across a doctor who wants to blame everything on your weight or say “You’re too young to be in that much pain,” leave and get another doctor.  You are the expert of you. It’s hard to speak up, especially since you’ve got a history of shitty doctors not listening to you, but you can do it!  Get your bitch on, she’s in there and she’s fabulous!

Curls Rock Amplifier will change your curls forever!  Find it and never let it go!

Don’t give your phone number to the dude who flirts with you at Burger King when you’re buying Backstreet Boys toys.  He’s a stalker who will make you consider changing your phone number.  Just say no.  As for the Backstreet Boys… oh, honey, enjoy the ride!

You haven’t met your best friend yet.  The one who is your bestie right now will get all weird and kinda break your heart when she decides that dating a bigot is okay even though she’s been your best friend for years and years.  But the one you’ll meet soon is super cool… you’ll even get matching tattoos one day.  Yes, you get tattoos! Ink is fun!  Just don’t get one in Toronto in 2001 with the chick you’re on vacation with.  She’s one of those people who isn’t going to stick around. But you’ll have a ton of fun with her and learn a lot while she’s around.

I feel like I’ve said too much.  Just be the awesome you that you know you are. The world needs your sunshine, even when you feel like it doesn’t.

All my hugs,

39 Year Old You

~~~~~
Bronwyn | Paige | Jessica

 


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