Of all of the things I can tell you from the future, the most important one is that you are right. You do have clinical depression and you’re not “just going through a phase” or “have a school phobia.” You will graduate high school AND college just like you promised Mom and Dad you would when you dropped out of 10th grade. You know exactly what you need to finish school… fight for it. Sadly, you won’t be 25 until your diagnosis of Dysthymia, but you were right and all of those so-called “professionals” were wrong. You’re not crazy, you’re not stubborn (well, not when it come to this at least), you’re not a drama queen, and you’re not doing it for attention… you just have a chemical imbalance and a fuck-ton of anxiety. Meds will help, but you’ll still struggle and have to work hard at overcoming some of your fears. Word to the wise, don’t ever try to face your fear of bats… it’ll backfire horribly and give you PTSD. Just get Mom to do it. 🙂
You’re going to get a chance to be a big sister and it’s going to be great. It’s a long weird story that I won’t spoil for you. But the sweetest, most amazing Peanut will come into your life just when you think you’ll never be a big sister and it’ll be so cool.
Don’t be afraid of cruises, they’re actually pretty awesome and you won’t freak out.
Don’t stop writing! Someone will try and talk you out of pursuing journalism because it doesn’t pay the bills, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop writing. Just write because it makes you happy. Fan fiction… look it up. 😉
This thing called the Internet is going to rock your world and bring some pretty awesome things and people into your life. Have fun with it, but just be aware that not everyone who seems like they’re going to stay in your life forever will actually do so. Some will hurt you, but you’ll be so much stronger afterward.
Be your own advocate when it comes to your health! You know when your body feels wrong and if you come across a doctor who wants to blame everything on your weight or say “You’re too young to be in that much pain,” leave and get another doctor. You are the expert of you. It’s hard to speak up, especially since you’ve got a history of shitty doctors not listening to you, but you can do it! Get your bitch on, she’s in there and she’s fabulous!
Curls Rock Amplifier will change your curls forever! Find it and never let it go!
Don’t give your phone number to the dude who flirts with you at Burger King when you’re buying Backstreet Boys toys. He’s a stalker who will make you consider changing your phone number. Just say no. As for the Backstreet Boys… oh, honey, enjoy the ride!
You haven’t met your best friend yet. The one who is your bestie right now will get all weird and kinda break your heart when she decides that dating a bigot is okay even though she’s been your best friend for years and years. But the one you’ll meet soon is super cool… you’ll even get matching tattoos one day. Yes, you get tattoos! Ink is fun! Just don’t get one in Toronto in 2001 with the chick you’re on vacation with. She’s one of those people who isn’t going to stick around. But you’ll have a ton of fun with her and learn a lot while she’s around.
I feel like I’ve said too much. Just be the awesome you that you know you are. The world needs your sunshine, even when you feel like it doesn’t.
All my hugs,
39 Year Old You