I really wanted to like this book. I’m all for my fellow Michigan writers and PNR, plus a free book is always a bonus. But sadly I ended up with a list of dislikes that was much longer than the likes for this story. The plot had great potential, some of the characters were really fun, and I really hoped that things would turn around but sadly they did not. In fact by the time I was about 60% done with the book I considered not finishing it because I was so annoyed. It really takes a lot to get me to stop reading a book but I was so so close.
First of all it felt like no one bothered to edit this. Apparently Sourcebooks is really great at creating awesome covers and promoting books but doesn’t spend much time editing what they publish. The dialogue was hard to follow because there weren’t many indicators of who was speaking. Then there were things like this, Taking her hands in hers, she smiled. Who did what?! Several times I would have to flip back a page and reread parts because I couldn’t understand what was going on or who was being described. For example when a character is being possessed by another character you can NOT call the character by both names!
Secondly there was the lingo. I’m sorry, but I’ve lived in Michigan for 35 years and don’t know anyone who speaks like the people in this book. I think it was a case of trying to add too much snark in for the characters, it ended up being overload instead of funny. Teenagers don’t even throw in as many catch phrases into their conversations as these people did.
Third, stereotypes. Could the two gay hairstylists be more flamboyant? The portrayal of these men bordered on offensive it was so stereotypical. Then all of a sudden when a secret comes out about one of the guys he totally switches into a different dialect and no longer acts like he did through 80% of the book. Not cool.
Fourth, it’s a book about a succubus with ONE sex scene in it. Lucy could have been a totally different type of demon and it wouldn’t have mattered. The sex wasn’t even hot. It took so long and was so over worded that I kept getting lost and couldn’t figure out what was happening. The few kisses before the sex rolled along were sexier than the entire sex scene was. Not to mention the whole “woe is me I’m a sex goddess and don’t want to be!” stuff. Are you kidding me? It wasn’t like she was a highly religious person who didn’t believe in premarital sex, she was a single chick who hadn’t been laid in five years! I have a hard time believing many people would have a problem finding out they were a succubus and were required to have sex more often.
Fifth, repeating the same thing over and over and over again. If I had to read one more time that Rafe’s silver eyes were swirling and that his jaw was tight I was going to scream. Either find another way to describe it, something else to describe, or leave it out. No one wants to read the same description in practically every scene. Oh and apparently everyone in this book has hair that falls in their face and needs to be pushed away or tucked away multiple times in multiple scenes.
Sixth, too many people with the same first initials. Scenes where all of the characters names start with the same letter are too confusing, plain and simple.
Seventh, plot holes. Where the hell did the King disappear to? Two scenes and suddenly he’s no longer part of the story? It didn’t make sense at all. Then there’s the fact that there’s all of these people watching over Lucy and yet none of them stepped in until after she opened the chest and Rafe was sent to Earth? So what exactly was their purpose then? Then there’s the whole, “training” session. Lucy’s never fought with a weapon in her life and then after one mini session of swordplay with Rafe he feels like he can leave her alone because she’s had “some training.” Really?
Like I said, I really wanted this book to work and wanted to like it but I just couldn’t.