Lots of things on my mind today, read on fair blog readers!
Two years ago I’d enrolled in grad school and then there was a problem with my transcript getting sent to the new school so I ended up not getting everything in on time. Then I got a job that I thought was going to be a dream job so once again, school was put on the back burner and I focused on this new job of mine. Well the job turned out to not only prevent me from going back to school but also from having much of a life outside of work at all. I spent a year and a half on call 24/7 and my own life pretty much fell apart. So when an opportunity to switch job positions within the agency presented itself, I took the pay cut and traded my on-call job for an 8:30 – 5:00 job and traded one type of stress for another. I miss the money (even though it wasn’t good pay to begin with), and I miss working with the public doing what I went to school for in the first place. But I don’t miss being on call and I don’t miss the rest of the bullshit that came along with the job. Actually, I still get to experience all of the bullshit and more, just in a different manner and for less pay.
Anyway, after six months of this new job, I finally decided to start researching grad school again. I figured if I was going to be working a job that I don’t want (despite the fact that I kick ass at it), I might as well use the opportunity to also further my education so I can move on eventually. Plus if I go back to school those pesky student loan payments that I can’t afford to make on my measly salary can go back into deferment while I go further into debt!
Here’s my problem though… I can’t move away to go to school and I really don’t want to have to commute some ridiculous amount of miles either. So I have to find either a long distance program, or a local one. I’m lucky in the sense that there are quite a few university satellite sites in the area, I’m not so lucky though that most of those sites don’t offer a major that I want to study.
I’d researched and talked to people and had pretty much decided that I was going to bite the bullet and apply to a program here in town at one of the more religious schools in the area. Despite the fact that I got my BA from a Catholic university and that I work for a religious non-profit, I’m not a religious person. But, the program they offer is reportedly a good one and despite the churchliness of it all, I figured I could deal. That is until a good friend of mine who I’ve known since I was eleven years old and we were desk partners in the sixth grade sent me a little tidbit about the school on Facebook that I had to look into.
It was then that I found out that the churchy school I was considering attending had fired a professor in 2007 who had worked for the University for sixteen years because she was openly transgendered. She’d begun working at the school as a man, and had been making the change and when she told the university about it, they first dropped her pay and cut her hours. Then they decided that she would only teach online courses so that she couldn’t spread her “sin” around to the students. They also put restrictions on her like she couldn’t wear makeup or dress as a woman if she was going to be at any school functions. Finally when her contract was up, they said that they would not be offering her a new contract. After SIXTEEN YEARS of service they fired her because she was transgendered.
As a part of the LGBT community, I cannot and will not support a school that does that to its employees, plain and simple. I wouldn’t feel comfortable hanging a degree on my wall with that school’s name on it. And frankly, how would it look if I were to try and serve fellow LGBT clients with a degree hanging on the wall from a school that was so openly bigoted? Not good, that’s how.
So… once again I’m back to the drawing board and to trying to figure out what the hell I want to do and where. Yay.
Court is in session today for a certain someone that I used to work for. Oh to be a fly on the wall in that courtroom.
It’s NaNoWriMo time. Time for me to once again commit to something and then struggle with actually doing it because my inner critic steps in pumped up on steroids saying “You can’t do this, sucker!” But this year I am determined to meet my goal and accomplish the damn thing.
What’s NaNoWriMo, you ask? National Novel Writing Month, or as the website says, “Thirty days and nights of literary abandon!” The goal for participants is to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November (which is roughly 1,667 words a day). 2010 is the twelfth year of the contest and at least my second if not third official attempt. A 50,000 word novel literally is not a huge deal to me… My books tend to be much longer than that because I write for the internet where stories go on and on and on and on. And on. But there’s something about NaNo time (yeah, I call it NaNo because I’m cool like that…) that gets to me. I freeze up and think, “OMG what am I going to write?!”
In years past, this freeze of creative energy just made me quit trying to do NaNo all together. This year though, I’m going to get the ice scraper out and beat the hell out of the freeze every time it returns. I refuse to succumb to the pressure. I say this, but of course today is day three of the contest and what’s my word count? Big fat zero. Nada. Zilch. I’ve toyed with just continuing one of my newer novels that is less than 8,000 words at this point, but the whole point of NaNo is that you work on something NEW. So despite the fact that I have a new novel to work on, it’s not November New. If push comes to shove and I don’t get some burst of creativity by the end of week one I will most likely just “cheat” and use the preexisting novel to work on. But my plan truly is to begin something new, and finish it by the deadline whether it sucks or not. Then I can buy a happy NaNoWriMo Winner tee shirt to wear proudly and know that I am no longer NaNo’s biotch.
I am not a morning person. Getting up in the morning is one of the hardest things I do every day. On top of the fact that I simply enjoy sleeping and I like to stay cozy in my bed, I’ve also found that medicated or not, this damn clinical depression of mine makes it very hard to get up in the morning. I have struggled to be on time to work in every single job (and school) that I’ve ever had if the start time was any time before 10:00 AM. It’s just how I roll.
I do not, however, take my lack of morning chipperness out on other people. If someone says “Good Morning” to me, I say it back. Even if I don’t like the person and would rather act like that seriously rude dude in the McDonald’s commercial who won’t speak to anyone before his coffee. I can’t be like that because it’s not in my nature.
So imagine my surprise when today someone who I struggle with comes into the office and asks me and another coworker “Is there a reason you two barely speak to me in the morning when I come in?”
Apparently we don’t say good morning back to her with enough gusto to keep her happy. She says we mumble or mouth the words but no sound comes out. What the fuck ever… I know I don’t do that. This morning when she came in and I said good morning back to her my voice gave out, but I looked her in the face and smiled. I can’t help it if my voice tends to go in and out in the morning during the first two hours I’m awake and it chose that specific moment to fade out! But the smile and the eye contact should count for something, right? She says, “Maybe you guys just aren’t morning people… I know I’m not, but I try to at least say good morning.” I told her, “I know I’m not a morning person, but I do say good morning.” She then said again that it’s usually a mumble or a mouthing of the words and even threw in a pithy imitation of how she thinks we respond to her.
Honestly, there is no winning with this woman. Once she has it made up in her mind that she’s right and you’re wrong, there is no telling her otherwise even if you know for sure that you are right. So nothing I can say will make a difference. And she’s also put us in a very peculiar situation too because you know I graduated with honors from the School of Smartassedness and what I really want to do from now on when she comes in is go extremely overboard when I greet her and do my best Loud Ass Oprah Winfrey Voice for her. But I know of course this would just cause even more trouble and yet another lecture. So what do I do? Continue to respond in the way I always have, which according to her is not good enough, or go for overkill?
I mean seriously, who in their right mind says things like that? Who the fuck cares if someone says good morning with gusto or not?! Am I mean to you when I interact with you all day? No. Am I a jerk to you like you are to me and the rest of the staff on a regular basis? No. But you come down on me because I don’t say good morning loud enough for your tastes? Give me a fucking break! And honestly, if you truly have a problem with it, calling someone out like that isn’t the appropriate way to make things better; all it does is make things even more uncomfortable.
I once worked for an agency where the morning receptionist would never acknowledge me when I walked in and said hello. It didn’t matter if she was busy working or she’d been sitting there contemplating the color of the walls, she always ignored me. For a while I just ignored her thinking, “Well if you’re not going to talk to me, then screw you, I won’t talk to you either.” But then I decided to kill her with kindness. I said hello and good morning to her no matter what with a great big smile and overkill every morning until she finally started to respond to me. And you know what? She eventually became my absolute best friend in the agency and someone who went to concerts with me, roomed with me on business trips, and was an adopted mom to me. But I can guarantee that had I stopped at her desk and said, “Is there a reason you don’t respond to me when I talk to you in the morning?” none of that ever would have happened.
To be completely honest, I’d like to greet this chick most mornings with a raised middle finger and some saucy expletives, but I don’t because despite being an evil bitch, I’m also a really nice person. And yes, I know that if there isn’t drama going on this chick will find something to stir up because she simply thrives on the stuff, so today was most likely one of those “Oh gee, what can I bitch about today?” moment… but still, it just makes me so freaking mad! She doesn’t do her own job, but she sure as hell can pick on everyone else and stir up some drama on a regular basis. She’s like an 11 year old kid who has to narc on everyone despite the fact her behavior is worse than anyone else’s. She can’t narc on me for not doing my job because it’s always done (and then some) but she can pick out some stupid thing like the strength of my “good morning.” What a sad and pitiful existence if that’s all you have to look forward to at work each day. Blah.
So there ya go, that’s what’s on my mind. And for the record, if this were my NaNoWriMo novel, my word count would be… 2,214.